24 years ago - another one missed

Another birthday gone by without me being there to celebrate - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHIEU.

24 years have gone by so quickly and here ....Another week has gone by – 7 days and still in a bit of a funk.

This week at work was the distribution of food from the PAMAC – World Food Bank where grains, oil, sugar were distributed to the most in need. But it seems this system is also questionable as I am told that those that benefit are probably registered members of 4 or 5 other HIV/AIDS organizations in the area and therefore claim 4 or 5 times their rations because the booklet of coupons for rations is provided by the ONG and not controlled by the PAMAC. It seems that every aid system is so flawed and with consequences. The PAMAC has rules/guidelines to distribute the food such as weight – so if you are over a certain weight (regardless of height and bone structure or other factors such as malnutrition just eating starches) you are not eligible even if you are in need – but those that get 5 times their ration can give it or sell it at really cheap prices to the extended family who may not be in such need. So why is the control not given to the PAMAC who could distribute booklets that get stamped by the organization who has delivered the rations so that all organizations know this particular person has already been served??????? There has to be a reason – somebody benefits somewhere but not necessarily those that should.

I finish my mandate this week at REVS+ and although they are disorganized like 99% of ONGs and do things “last minute” like 99% of the Burkinabè – it is a fine organization whose executive team is 100% comprised of volunteers (women with HIV/AIDS) who give every free moment of their time to the organization. The organization seems to be underfunded (but not absolutely sure) and employees overworked (absolutely NOT sure) - so the volunteers get to do the tasks with no capacity building to the employees of the organization because they are too busy. I can only talk about my own “homologue” – who, when sitting at his desk, Skype’s – reads the news, listens to music, works occasionally or just leaves for hours not knowing where he’s gone and then he gives me “last minute” funding files that need to be sent within days – and if I do not do it nor does he. So that is why I say I am absolutely NOT sure employees are overworked since what I see is that a lot of them just roam around, talk about whatever and yes they do work occasionally. I must however put an exception to this rule – the medical staff work really hard and do not twiddle their thumbs – probably because they would have immediate consequences if they did and they seem too professional for that. The medical staff is definitely one of their strong points.

My sister sent me a package from Paris on April 14th which included a computer, amongst other essentials such as my pillow and some Watkins insect repellent. Well as of April 30th I started panicking that I would never see this package but reasoned that the volcanic cloud over Europe was delaying service – really hoping deep inside me that it did not get mysteriously lost. Well I finally got hold of my goody box yesterday – with some movies to boot – wow I am so excited. Now I have to find out what “password” my nephew put to log in – hope he remembers.

I met this week a wonderful old lady (87) who sells incense – she is frail but still walking unassisted – and speaks impeccable French. When she first wanted to sell her incense I was tired and just wanted to chat with another volunteer I was meeting for a cold beer so I was not very receptive – and I regretted it somewhat so I met up with her again today to get to know her better. At the age of 7 she was chosen by the village chief to become his bride so she had to quit school only after 1 year of it. From the age of 7 to 15 she catered to the old man who was older than her father – fanning him as he slept, massaging him, feeding him etc. At the age of 15 he took her as his bride (one of many) and they had kids and lived unhappily ever after. When her eldest brother died he left her with his 7 children to take of – and she had hardly anything to feed herself forget a brood of 7 extra mouths – but she is really industrious and at 87 still feels responsible for her kids and still tries to make a decent living selling incense. Wanted to take a picture of her but she refused - saying that her face was now too wasted for a picture. I bought the incense and gave her a little extra to help her out - she was quite thankful.

I will finish this blog with a couple of pictures of my neighbourhood – just outside my door or in my garden.

 
 

4 months into it and feeling a little bleue

 I have been in Burkina Faso for 4 months and it feels like forever – time goes by so slowly.


As far as work is concerned it seems that everything you do is to simply execute on mundane tasks that are for very short term results. Rarely do you feel you are transferring skills that will benefit in the long run – for one you do not feel that what you communicate is actually being heard by the right person, or if it is the right person then it probably is not going to be considered because it means changing their ways: the way they think, the way they plan for the future (which they do not), the way they work. From what I have experienced so far the only way the local ONGs or community based organizations survive is by subsidies, aid from the rich, and the subsidies are for projects. So once the project is finished and the money has run out then they scramble for more aid or they simply stop the project no matter who is affected by not receiving the essential service once provided – and it is simply accepted as the way it is instead of planning on how they will use the project aid to build something sustainable and ensure some continuity by generating revenues that will guarantee services in the future. It is like a catch-22 because to create a revenue base is not easy when you are not use to using your creativity, when you have always survived on aid, when the economy is stagnant and nobody has money. They look to the white volunteer to help them find money like as if we personally know grantmakers, or even know how the money will be used and for what sustainable purpose. Nothing seems sustainable.

I am still not sure what I am doing here – how I can help in the big scheme of things or even in the little scheme of things.

I am presently reading a book entitled “Dead Aid – why aid is not working and how there is another way for Africa” by Dambisa Moyo. Her theory is that aid has ruined Africa and from the little experience I have I think she makes a really good case. A must read for anybody interested. ISBN 978-0-141-03118-7

So as I write this blog I am somewhat disillusioned – wondering if I will be able to do my full term of 2 years – trying not to get too discouraged but not really finding my purpose. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I am also learning that Africans are really hard with each other – they are the first ones to exploit their brothers (and abuse their sisters). “Un Africain qui est bon, est moins bon qu’un blanc qui est mauvais”. The moral being that an African will have an agreement with an employee and then change the conditions as the employee becomes more dependent on his pay check – so the employer asks him to do more and more work and pay him less and less frequently and sometimes not at all – very conscience of the cruelty imposed. The poor employee is now poorer and has no recourse against his employer because he has worked under the table. Working here without paying income taxes is probably 90% of the workers (adults & kids). Even friends screw each other, borrowing in need and never paying back even once they have the means and the other is now asking as he is now in need. It’s like they don’t like each other or trust each other – but for sure they do not respect each other. So with that type of mentality you can just imagine how women are treated in this very male society.

It’s humid, it’s hot as hell, the same food day in and day out, only so much interesting things to do, too hot for exercise and I feel sluggish - and I miss my kids like crazy.

Today might just be a shitty day for me – but if it wasn’t for Issouf and being able to at least help him and his family – I am not so sure I would stay much longer. I hope this is just a passing phase as I really would like to feel good about being here.